i love dive bars

I can't stand girls. They're so annoying.

I especially hate the ones who pretend to enjoy things so they sound cooler, when in actuality their only interests are the Real Housewives and the number of 'likes' on their new facebook profile picture.

Like these stupid ass girls in Philly who say, "I love dive bars!"

No you do not. You moronic, fake, annoying waste.

You are wearing 5-inch patent leather peep-toe pumps, you are carrying hairspray in a handbag that costs more than my entire wardrobe and there's still a stamp on your hand from Whisper last night. You do not like dive bars.

In fact, you hate them. You think they smell and are dirty. You are disgusted by the bathrooms and the creepy old men. You don't even like beer let alone cheap, shitty beer from a pint glass with lipstick still stuck to it from the last person who drank from it. Probably a hooker. The level of darkness fightens you. Everyone is staring at you! Why are you lying, you idiot? I hate you.