Me and a friend recently had a discussion about our extreme hatred toward douche, toolbag guys. I’ll start at the beginning...she told me a story about her friend..

Friend of a friend, (we can call her Erica) is a gorgeous, desirable girl. She’s intelligent, funny, witty and sweet. The most random ass dudes ask her out on dates all the time. She gets crazy emails from her ex-hipster-scumbag-boyfriend, had her coworker fired for sexual harassment, has had stalkers, etc…poor thing…you get the idea. She doesn’t date very often, (and when she does her choices of men are questionable but that’s neither here nor there) so if she’s going out with you she’s going out with you.

I’ve seen her before and in my honest opinion you’d be lucky to date her if you were a guy and got the chance. She’s a catch.

A couple nights ago some average ass wanker stood her up. What the fuck! My friend spent many nights out swooping in and saving her from toolbags in bars, swatting them away like they were flies.

Here is my question for you, wanker: Who the fuck do you think you are? The fact that you were somehow blessed with the opportunity to take this girl out and even talk to her is a miracle in and of itself, and you should pat yourself on the back for that one. The fact that Erica was even remotely interested in you enough to go out with you and actually used the word “cute” to describe you is yet another wonder.

Also, there’s a good chance that with a little old fashioned hard work you could have gotten laid. You should be ashamed of yourself and I hope your next date is with a shrew.

But there she was, all dressed up with no place to go. I heard what she was wearing, how long it took her to do her makeup and her hair, I’m sure she looked stunning. Do you know how many guys would never miss such a date? My friend started spitting out names of guys that were in love with her. And then Erica actually said, “I guess he didn’t like me that much.” Oh fuck no.

First of all he didn’t even have the chance to get to know her, so he couldn’t have made that decision already. Secondly- it had absolutely nothing to do with her looks because it is my understanding that he approached her because he thought she was “hot”. Therefore, my conclusion was that Mr. Wanker is mentally retarded.

And if she’s getting stood up there’s no hope for anyone. The end.


  1. Aw baby...tell Erica it'll be ok! Don't worry, there's someone out there. And if not, then I'd gladly be with Erica haha

Leave a Reply