twas the night before Easter


If you grew up with Christmas gifts under your tree from Santa on Christmas morning, you probably remember about how old you were when you started to become skeptical. Who is this guy, and how does he do it? Not me though. Do you know why? Because it was the Easter Bunny that totally blew it for me.

I was a pretty bright 8-year-old, yet they still had me fooled with the bearded fat man.

Like many other children, I was guilty of believing in the following theories about Santa Claus:

  • Owns flying reindeer (eight of them, one of whom has a red illuminating nose)
  • Delivers millions of gifts, all of which are transported in his sleigh, to every child on the planet in a single night
  • Knows exactly what every child wants for Christmas based on their Christmas lists
  • Employs elves that build toys year round, practically in a sweatshop
  • Lives in the uninhabitable North Pole
  • Poses for pictures with children in every single shopping mall for the 2 months prior to Christmas
  • Not only sees you when you're sleeping but also knows when you're awake
  • Enters homes through the chimney

...wait a second! We don't have a chimney at 25th and Naudain Street in Philly Mom!

  • Has a magical key that will unlock any door in the entire world, obviously
  • Absolutely loves cookies and milk. I mean he's fat.
  • Knows if you've been bad or good

Okay fine, I'll go for all of that. But a giant bunny? With a basket filled with colored eggs and candy? That doesn't even make sense. You can't fool me. And he wears clothes. No way Mom, f that.

Since I was skeptical on my 8th Easter I decided to see for myself if the bunny was real. I was not yet brave enough to openly question the existence of the oversized rabbit. While I was terrified of actually catching him in action, hopping around my living room, I just had to know for sure.

I was nestled all snug in my bed, while visions of a freakishly large furry creature danced in my head. I stayed awake for the entire night before Easter and listened for any bumps. Finally, at around 6 am, there arose such a clatter. This was it. I was so nervous. I remember the feeling so well. It was a mixture of breathtaking excitement and sheer terror.

It was about to be one of the most important discoveries of my entire life. As an adult I sometimes wish that I could experience even half of that excitement again. Have you ever thought about how you will never experience joy again the same way you did as a child? Never. It's a really depressing thought.

Anyways I crept down the stairs and what to my wondering eyes should appear, but my grandma stuffing my Easter basket with candy. The truth at last! You got caught Memom! Santa and the tooth fairy didn't stand a chance after that. And that is how the notion of mythical creatures delivering gifts to my home was forever destroyed.

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